Showing posts with label wellbeing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label wellbeing. Show all posts

Monday, 25 May 2015

How I'm feeling today


It was really hard to put it into words, so I decided to draw it... I hope this makes some sense.

I feel like my mental health problems are a large figure that are constantly standing behind me, pressed up against my back with their hands around my throat - like I am being controlled and suffocated by these feelings and emotions. The words and cuts in black show the aspects of myself that are under the influence of anxiety and depression. I've drawn myself in grey to symbolise the colour and life being drained out of me; the more that the colour leaves me, the darker and bigger the personified depression gets.


I'm seeing my nurse and nutritionist tomorrow, so hopefully things will start looking up soon.



Sunday, 24 May 2015

Why 'Pro-Ana' needs to stop, now.

#proana #mia #thinspo #bonespo ... the list goes on. So what is it, and why have the French banned it, and why are the Dutch planning on following suit?

The Internet Age is a beautiful thing, and as a computer scientist, I often marvel at how far we have come in the past few decades. But with great power, comes great responsibility; as no one owns the Internet, it can be a bit of a free-for-all with unrestricted content spiraling into websites that can promote pretty much anything... Including eating disorders.


So what's all the fuss about? Whilst researching for this blog post, it meant entering the dark side of the Internet for me, which I found incredibly difficult. Tumblr is nutritiously famous for its sensitive content. Despite having a splash screen before entering a listed tag, with advice websites and emergency helplines, this can be ignored.

Pro-ana means pro-anorexia, and with a few clicks, you can access months worth of content from other people with the mental health problem, including advice on telling other people not to eat, images of their weight loss, graphic images of self-harm and so much more. Images that glorify mental health conditions, and make them seem 'acceptable' and 'normal' and nothing to be concerned about. This topic relates quite deeply with me, as someone who found their way into pro-ana and thinspo at the start of my eating disorder. I became almost brainwashed, after seeing image after image of skin and bones, getting advice from 'friends' online who did nothing but motivate me into an abyss.

Channel 4 recently aired a feature documentary entitled 'My Self-Harm Nightmare', which proposed to address this issue of:
Are blogs and websites responsible for increasing rates of eating disorders and self-harm?
The documentary explored the lives of a few girls who suffered from eating disorders and self-harm... However, the focus seemed to be a little more on showing actual content of pro-ana blogs than tackling the actual issue, including horrific images and the detailed fatal suicide of one girl. The Huffington Post reported:
Discussions of the documentary have also appeared on a pro-anorexia site, with users saying they found it "triggering and sensational" and "full of dramatic shots" - without focusing on actual mental health illnesses.
The documentary sparked outrage from fellow people with mental health illnesses in recovery, with even a comment from the head of media at Mind Charity, saying they were disappointed with Channel 4.

I think people on the Internet often forget that whilst they may be personally 'ok' with viewing such content, people that post it themselves could actually be the reason why someone's mental health problem worsens. In my opinion, it's a form of cyberbulling. I'm not saying that if just anyone viewed anything 'thinspo' they would immediately become mentally unwell, but if someone with maybe a disposition for low self-esteem and body image becomes exposed to it, their unrealistic expectations can become worse.

But how can it be stopped?



People have a right to the freedom of speech, so it is difficult to be able to block and filter the Internet. There is also a strong argument on the removal of these websites could result in higher suicide rates for the mental health reasons... But anorexia already has the highest mortality rate of any psychiatric disorder, as people can die of a direct result of the illness.

In my opinion, the online community needs a lesson in self-love and respect for other people. Proper guidelines need to be written into social media, and certain domain names should be not allowed to exist, proper school education etc... It's so much easier said than done. I'd be interested in your thoughts on the subject.

Take care,



Friday, 22 May 2015

Gratitude

So today, I would like you to consider with me five things that you are grateful for.

When things are getting really difficult, it's often so easy to forget about the things that you have going for. When you let the big grey cloud of depression follow you around all day like you have a dementor or something constantly by your side (I'm a Harry Potter fan). It can be really difficult to enjoy the little things, and become, almost obsessed, with the negatives.

But, there are so many things that are positive that go on all around us - so not only could I not see today because it was sunny and I had to swap my glasses for sunglasses, but sometimes I think we can see through negative-tinted eyes.

So, as I'm trying to focus on the positives, here's my list of today's FIVE THINGS THAT I AM GRATEFUL FOR:

  1. I have some really lovely housemates who, without realising sometimes, brighten even my darkest days
  2. I actually have a boyfriend. There is a man out there who actually ... fancies ... me ???
  3. Public transport - I could just hop on a train anywhere anyhow and just go
  4. Talking of going places, the fact that I am so close to the beautiful Belgium which is filled with happiness and waffles
  5. Cats - on the way back from Tesco yesterday, a teenie friendly black cat let me pet it

Bye for now!


Wednesday, 20 May 2015

Perfectly Imperfect

Have any of you heard of the app 'Rise Up'? I downloaded it in honour of the passing of Mental Health Awareness Week (11-17th May), and was pleasantly surprised to find that it has had a positive impact on my recovery thus far.

Today, as a recommended coping skill (along with 'Love Your Feet' where I gave myself a rather messy pedicure) was titled Perfectly Imperfect, in which I am to write a journal entry on whatever topic that pleases me (e.g. my day, goals, dreams, recovery) - I created this blog so that I could start journaling my musings and thoughts, as well as my adventures and recovery.

Recovery
Today, I will not give you my back story, but rather, a little bit about my recovery experience. I have been (officially) in recovery since March 2013. I have diagnosed depression and anxiety (body dysmorphic disorder) as well as some big eating problems which plague my life.

Recovery isn't easy. I know that's a bit of a cliche, but what works for some people doesn't  work for others. For instance, I really don't get along with yoga...

As a girl who can't even touch her toes (or do a roly poly), yoga just isn't the one for me. I know so many people who swear by it, and to be honest, I'd love to be one of these people that can meditate to tinkly music and sit on a rock by the ocean and put my body into all sorts of contortions that would impress even a porn star, but I'm afraid, the yoga ship has sailed for me. It barely even existed. So, as I'm being batted from nurse to councilor to doctor to therapist, the 'y' word does make me want to tell them where to stick their downward dog.
Anyway, I hope you yoga lovers and yoga haters are all having a lovely day. Take care!
Bye for now,